expectations

What are they worth,
if all we gain from them is disappointment?
Expectations are half the story;
the other half is what everything turns out not to be.

If you don’t hold them,
there are no outcomes
that ultimately lead to disappointment.
Just take it all as it comes
and enjoy life in the cliché way we all say
to live in the now.

Why, then, are all our forethoughts in the future?
Though it may sound dull –
I scarcely look forward to anything.

I suppose, through this, I wish
to push jinxing into extinction.
In other words, we all want to be rid of sod’s law:

Check tomorrow’s forecast, looks like shine;
Plan your day at the beach and look forward to your time;
Only to wake up the next morning to the sky crying.

It’s funny though, how,
even when you’re determined
not to build any expectations at all,
your subconscious defies you.

Why – if I weren’t expecting anything at all,
neither the good, nor the bad, nor the ugly –
am I still left in the depths of sheer disappointment all over again?
Or was I expecting too much of myself not to expect from the start?

Another thought:
am I mislabelling expectation and confusing it with hope?
Perhaps it is more a case of hopes being shattered,
as opposed to expectations not being met.

What, I wonder, is worse: being broken or falling short?
Either way, the end case doesn’t much change,
you’re still left with disappointment.

I struggle to pinpoint the exact feeling of it.

In some ways, it’s like relief,
wherein there are boundless emotions
involved all at once, but not a single one of them
fully describes the exact feeling to its full extent and depth.

Isn’t it odd how we can feel a concept without even thinking about it?

“Disappointment” barely sounds like something we can feel,
not like we can sad or happy or angry. Yet somehow, somewhere,
someway – we can, and we certainly do.